Internship- Cancer patients

Days before internship i felt kind of nervous. I was curious on who are my colleagues, what are the supervisors'personality, are they friendly? strict? etc etc. Straightjacket feeling? Guess what, they are all pretty, no, but VERY friendly! This internship is not boring at all, but challenging and interesting. 1st day of interns, Ms.Elizabeth, who is my 1st supervisor belanja me lunch. LOL. I was so paiseh >.< But then I got off work at 2pm. After all the home visit to all patients of the day, hence they released me earlier since there'll be no more home visit and they nurses gonna stay back in office to do their report. So, I have nothing to do. It's okay to complete my report at home.


1st day of interns, i've followed them to few places. around 4 patients we visited. 2 nurses, 1 volunteer and me. 2nd day of interns, there are 2 nurses, 1 doc, 1 driver and me. We drove all the way miles from Sban, hours of travelling to see few patients, down to border of Melacca, and Broga. Yes, all of them are cancer patients, and all of them are already in the 4th (last) stage of cancer. There are NPC, lung ca, pancreatic, bone, renal, gall bladder etc cancer patients.

Honestly I'm really salute these volunteer nurses and doctor. They never bother on their pay, even FOC. They just have their intrinsic motivation to work for these cancer patients who were being referred by hospital or doctors to Hospice Seremban. I can say the average age of these workers are 50-70 and above. They share their experiences and knowledge to me while we were on the journey to visit patients. Well, there is a young nurse who just graduated from nursing diploma, who's Ms.Ummi that pretty 'naughty' and love cracking us with jokes. This Hospice even send out free medic, patches and bed for patients, with condition patients' family gonna get a lorry to get this free bed from Hospice. You are not wrong, there are all free. Again, i really salute these workers as they gonna spend hours in travelling to give treatment to those patients. Though for these 2 days i might feel a lil of exhausted on travelling, but i really learnt alots. I was able to witness the warmth/cruel side of humanity towards their family members - the patient.

All are real cases I witnessed with my own naked eyes. Im feeling touch to see those family members who are willing to accompany the patients no matter what. Some were shocked as they never know why the patients were being referred to us, when the nurses or doctor explained to them, they will have a fell of heart, burst in tears etc. The words stupified them as they finally knew the patient is at the last stage of cancer. They will beg us for saving the patient, but we can only be frankly and tell them it's impossible. All the patients referred to Hospice are cancer patients with no cure. So, " try to fulfill whatever the patient need, give them whatever food they love, spend more time with them if possible" are the words we could tell the caregivers of the patients. It sounds cruel or cold-blooded, but it's the only way to let the patient to feel better instead of suffering and crying for pain.

I've been through few patients, about 8 of them so far. Some were so sick and pale, I can see their skin and rib cage-body, really skinny. Some were about to give up their life, some were still cheerful and positive minded. I'm happy to see those who had never given up on their life but they already accept the fact that their life will end soon, just they wanna live it to the fullest and as happy as possible. Besides, there are family members' matter. Some were love their patient so much and refuse to give it a hold on their life, some were stubborn and declared themselves as their patient's doctor (diet for patient), some were given up on the patient. Hospice members will try to contact the caregivers try to love the patient more, pls appreciate. Pls...nothing else harder than this isn't it? Just love. What it is so hard to show the love to the family members who are dying? Alright, doesn't matter dying or not, pls never take it as granted to express the love, say it out. If u hide it in ur heart, people are no the worm in ur tummy ( chinese old folk's say), never know, seriously never know.

This is world. Even though we know the life for those patients are not longer than expected, but this Hospice still hold their hope and sooth the patients' pain with treatment, and give them palliative care. Too bad there are insufficient time for them to go through all patients, even to have grief therapy for those primary caregivers. 1 journey will roughly take us 2 hrs for 1 patients, 1ish hour spent on car travelling to the places, because most of the places are quite in the rural, not the remote area yet. Everyday I gonna visit all these life-end-soon patients, i can't do nothing other than listening, obverse, talk/translate to them and...lastly..is praying...Seriously there is nothing else we can do. Can i ask the family members to give the patient a pen n paper to start writing out the wishlist? have the cross out getting more on the wishlist before they leaving this world? possible? This is their last hope/wish isn't it, is it? But most of the patients are already in the worse condition that they are unable to talk, walk or eat, so how are they gonna write and tell what is their wishlist? (im down....) The kids or spouse or parents wont even know what the patient wants and desperate for...What else? Moral support?

Patients or family members they will burst into tears. I saw. I can't lie to them that they will recover. We have to be frankly to them especially the caregivers. I never know how many patients i'll have during this 3 months, how many funeral will attend, how tough i'll be etc etc. Yes, this is a tough job. Mentally tough and get well prepared. Alright, not just mentally, but physically as well cause we gonna keep contact with those patients, we gonna travel daily etc, everything need to be healthy and hygiene. But, i'm looking forwards for this job as I have expected something from this job. I know i could cope with this well regardless mentally or physically. A smile or 'Thank you' from patients or their family members it melt my heart. Their toughness and supportive to each and everyone enlighten me. I'm happy to have this bunch of humour, generous and nice colleagues. I hope, coming 3 months will be good days for me, colleagues and patients :)
(Although doc told me all the patients will pass away for sure, longest they could survive is 2 yrs, shortest could be a day...)

Im really can't able to stand on those family members who abandon the patients! Incorrigible! Sarcastic said - patient needs more support from family members than anyone else, why it's so hard for them just to take care of the patients? LOVE! What comes around, goes around. Pls, just love them. I know many will say it's too late to love them, but to me, nothing is being TOO LATE! Somehow it's better than regret! dismay. LIKEWISE okay??

Kampar, what's the difference?

A place where i've been staying for 2 years (almost). Early of the year, being frankly, i don't really like this place here. I see nothing worthy here other than just to complete my degree and graduate here. In the 2nd year, i feel something different here. I think I never really come across the scenery, the sky/cloud, or the places here. Still, i have a mindset showing that the sky is still the same no matter where am I. I could say, im wrong, so wrong. Im currently in my hometown, i see no reddish sky during the dawn or twilight. I look into the album that i've snapped in Kampar, the sky, the cloud, the blue hour....

Photo log:

dawn, sunset

 resident area

raining

brightest moon

night view

after rain 

moon halo 

Lets Google where is Kampar. Look for the pictures of Kampar. There are hills, lake, and some areas that are not developed yet. Not many skyscrapers except the hotel.
I can't forget the moment i saw the moon rises from the hill around 7ish pm last month.

Random shoot

Another boring day. In the late night, armed my weapon and started to shoot. Testing with my speedlight, playing with my prime lens (50mm). There it goes. Start some shooting with my Danbo, and some non living thing. I was a lil upset as day before yesterday I thought there was Android robot toy sold in the block K pc fair. I get fooled!! It was a mp3!! Not a toy. Sigh.
Then I'm currently searching for the mug with lens-liked. Where can I get those??

Photo-logs:

Say Cheezeee

Danbo's new cam - 1100D

Heavenly tears

A chord

The spotted one

Backpack 1 - Alor Setar

I've been 'disappeared' for weeks? errr...about 2 weeks? Yup, having my Year2 sem break now, sort of boring, and ... to get my brain relived and refreshed, I've planned a backpacked Well, the 1st and the 3rd week of break was sort of boring and almost get my rotten. Yet, I had a pretty fascinating and terrific backpack on 2nd week of break. Thanks to my 2 friends who willing to let me fit in their plan. Great days.
You might wondering and reckoning how could I recall everything after a week passed? Thanks to my DSLR as well as my diary (marked down my expenses and spots I've been to), a pretty useful kind of book. Easy carry.

My journey was about this actually for the 7 days:
Seremban - Kampar - Alor Setar - Thailand - Alor Setar - Seremban - Malacca. END.

Thousands of photos being snapped. So, let me get this blog started with what happening in Alor Setar. :)

(1st Oct) Day 1 in Alor Setar:
8.30am bus departs from Kampar. 1ish afternoon reached Alor Setar to meet my friend there. Is lunch time, so we stopped by a shopping mall to get our tummy filled. Simple and unique dishes in chinese restaurant with reasonable price. Awesome one! Then, we moved to our 1st tourist spot which is a museum allocated at riverside. Extreme weather - HOT!!! An interesting building caught our sight was a government building so called Jabatan Perlautan or that, can't really remember the name. The building with western castle structure painted with brick colour. Eye opener! Too bad we were not allowed to enter to the building unless we are those officer, so I could only manage to snap the whole building with my 18-200mm Tamron lens! Love it. (Honestly to go for a trip or some event, 18-200mm really help alots. )

Without wasting our time, we moved to the nearby museum, another magnificent place. Historical building with a clean white light tower facing towards the sea. Standing close to the river, there's a small built bridge for transport to connect to the village. The bright might not a huge one, but again, it caught my sight on it. I said it is quite a 'wholesome' bridge with simple structure. There were some citizens fishing there. Supposely it is a port? But lots of adults and kids were fishing there. Not fishermen though, perhaps they're fishmonger? Guess so, or just part of their interest during spare time or the poor fishes gonna be their meal soon :(
Some kids not even felt shy as my camera was aiming towards them. One of the kids even gave me a pose. LOL. cute. After that, we went to a tourist spot named - Elephant Hill. Yes, the geography of the hill consists of the trunk and the head. If you're an observant person, I bet you could even see the eye of the elephant. Is cool! But the time we were there, quite a number of residents stayed in the park nearby. Folks and teens. Some teens/adults were riding their bike RECKLESSLY!! Crap!!

There comes the night time, I was being brought to a food court with VARIOUS FOOD!! gosh!!! I thought I could gain weight in this backpack..but...sadly...weight remained >.< perhaps I had been walking too much??  All food digested to energy, then energy were all burnt, secreted out from body through sweat. sigh. My mission of gaining weight just FAILED!! Alright, back to my topic, yes about the food court. TOO MUCH TOO MUCH. I ate too much too much - this much. LOL.
Accommodation? Settled in my friend's house. So, in Alor Setar, my fees do save a little. The next day, will be the day in Thailand ( Hatyai). Yes, another cool stuffs to share here....There was lots of untellable stuffs happens. Well, I do believe miracle happens when you least expect it. This happen to me in this backpack journey.

Paddy field with no paddy

For photolog, can check out my Facebook acc - CLICK HERE!!!! . OF course more pics to be updated soon :D

TO-BE-CONTINUED... 

Once in a 'Blur' Moon

I'm lost track.
My last update here was few months ago...
I'm getting lazy and lazy to write or type here, uploading a pic? the quality here aint that satisfy me.
Half day gone, I don't feel like wanna start any of the revision now. I'm slacking way too comfortable now sitting in front of the laptop and surfing net instead of reading those notes.
Referring to my housemates, coursemates etc, everyone was busying and in super stress during exam. Me? Is just calm and chill, like there's no exam for me.
Well, obviously i'm not that chill enough ...those days. But now, i see 'exam' in another way. At the beginning of life, people tend to compete with each other.  Do they ever think that the greatest foe is not others but is the demon/ devil in our body? It can demonlist you without and taking and permission from u. I know in other eyes, I'm a freaking lazy person who don't even care of the result or homework. You're so wrong. I'm not lazy, but I'm not interested on doing/reading it. If you were to ask me to read some novel/ story books, i can finish reading in a day or two, sure can complete. But studying just for the sake of passing an exam, or to just to wear the mortarboard in the convo, I would totally not enthusiastic at all on doing this. This's not my style...seriously. Every of the exam i passed with OK result, i would say it's fortune and lucky. But will this sort of luck last forever? No. However, is ok, as i'm graduating soon in 2 more years later. Soon i'll come to the working life, no more examination. Money earned, money spent. That's the coming life. I hope I could enjoy my future life, though without any foresee. Let life goes unexpected, hence it'll go interesting and challenging. I'll appreciate my study life now, as there'll be more worry on financial or other society pressure YET. Somehow, I'm just can't wait for the working life to come. Good days are waiting ahead for me...I feel it and hear it.

Danbo's Journey

This is the only toy i'm playing during this sem break. Although just 2 weeks, is neither long nor short. So, i pretty bored spending my time wisely. Yesterday only I decided to go get myself some books, now I'm aiming for the book, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari. 

1 week left ( no, is actually less than a week) am going back to kampar, continue to Year 2 semester 1. sigh.... 6 semesters to go...>.< 

But still, this sem break is the worst, more boring ever!!!!

Silence

o + o = 8

Inadequate

Here and There

Equality

Irreplaceable

Rolling steel

Sem break now, sort of boring, too much of spare time, armed my toy, went for shooting ( nearby my house area...) Try to play with creativity, monochrome etc. Yeah, did edit these pics a lil, which is change them into monochrome.

While waiting for my new toys to arrive, I shall be patient and wait. By right tomorrow I'll get my toys. RM200 out to pay for it!!! What toy it is? It will remain as a secret. *s.e.c.r.e.t* muahaha!! Tonight will go out attending a small party. Another small event for me to have photo shooting~ Stay tuned!