1st day of interns, i've followed them to few places. around 4 patients we visited. 2 nurses, 1 volunteer and me. 2nd day of interns, there are 2 nurses, 1 doc, 1 driver and me. We drove all the way miles from Sban, hours of travelling to see few patients, down to border of Melacca, and Broga. Yes, all of them are cancer patients, and all of them are already in the 4th (last) stage of cancer. There are NPC, lung ca, pancreatic, bone, renal, gall bladder etc cancer patients.
Honestly I'm really salute these volunteer nurses and doctor. They never bother on their pay, even FOC. They just have their intrinsic motivation to work for these cancer patients who were being referred by hospital or doctors to Hospice Seremban. I can say the average age of these workers are 50-70 and above. They share their experiences and knowledge to me while we were on the journey to visit patients. Well, there is a young nurse who just graduated from nursing diploma, who's Ms.Ummi that pretty 'naughty' and love cracking us with jokes. This Hospice even send out free medic, patches and bed for patients, with condition patients' family gonna get a lorry to get this free bed from Hospice. You are not wrong, there are all free. Again, i really salute these workers as they gonna spend hours in travelling to give treatment to those patients. Though for these 2 days i might feel a lil of exhausted on travelling, but i really learnt alots. I was able to witness the warmth/cruel side of humanity towards their family members - the patient.
All are real cases I witnessed with my own naked eyes. Im feeling touch to see those family members who are willing to accompany the patients no matter what. Some were shocked as they never know why the patients were being referred to us, when the nurses or doctor explained to them, they will have a fell of heart, burst in tears etc. The words stupified them as they finally knew the patient is at the last stage of cancer. They will beg us for saving the patient, but we can only be frankly and tell them it's impossible. All the patients referred to Hospice are cancer patients with no cure. So, " try to fulfill whatever the patient need, give them whatever food they love, spend more time with them if possible" are the words we could tell the caregivers of the patients. It sounds cruel or cold-blooded, but it's the only way to let the patient to feel better instead of suffering and crying for pain.
I've been through few patients, about 8 of them so far. Some were so sick and pale, I can see their skin and rib cage-body, really skinny. Some were about to give up their life, some were still cheerful and positive minded. I'm happy to see those who had never given up on their life but they already accept the fact that their life will end soon, just they wanna live it to the fullest and as happy as possible. Besides, there are family members' matter. Some were love their patient so much and refuse to give it a hold on their life, some were stubborn and declared themselves as their patient's doctor (diet for patient), some were given up on the patient. Hospice members will try to contact the caregivers try to love the patient more, pls appreciate. Pls...nothing else harder than this isn't it? Just love. What it is so hard to show the love to the family members who are dying? Alright, doesn't matter dying or not, pls never take it as granted to express the love, say it out. If u hide it in ur heart, people are no the worm in ur tummy ( chinese old folk's say), never know, seriously never know.
This is world. Even though we know the life for those patients are not longer than expected, but this Hospice still hold their hope and sooth the patients' pain with treatment, and give them palliative care. Too bad there are insufficient time for them to go through all patients, even to have grief therapy for those primary caregivers. 1 journey will roughly take us 2 hrs for 1 patients, 1ish hour spent on car travelling to the places, because most of the places are quite in the rural, not the remote area yet. Everyday I gonna visit all these life-end-soon patients, i can't do nothing other than listening, obverse, talk/translate to them and...lastly..is praying...Seriously there is nothing else we can do. Can i ask the family members to give the patient a pen n paper to start writing out the wishlist? have the cross out getting more on the wishlist before they leaving this world? possible? This is their last hope/wish isn't it, is it? But most of the patients are already in the worse condition that they are unable to talk, walk or eat, so how are they gonna write and tell what is their wishlist? (im down....) The kids or spouse or parents wont even know what the patient wants and desperate for...What else? Moral support?
Patients or family members they will burst into tears. I saw. I can't lie to them that they will recover. We have to be frankly to them especially the caregivers. I never know how many patients i'll have during this 3 months, how many funeral will attend, how tough i'll be etc etc. Yes, this is a tough job. Mentally tough and get well prepared. Alright, not just mentally, but physically as well cause we gonna keep contact with those patients, we gonna travel daily etc, everything need to be healthy and hygiene. But, i'm looking forwards for this job as I have expected something from this job. I know i could cope with this well regardless mentally or physically. A smile or 'Thank you' from patients or their family members it melt my heart. Their toughness and supportive to each and everyone enlighten me. I'm happy to have this bunch of humour, generous and nice colleagues. I hope, coming 3 months will be good days for me, colleagues and patients :)
(Although doc told me all the patients will pass away for sure, longest they could survive is 2 yrs, shortest could be a day...)
Im really can't able to stand on those family members who abandon the patients! Incorrigible! Sarcastic said - patient needs more support from family members than anyone else, why it's so hard for them just to take care of the patients? LOVE! What comes around, goes around. Pls, just love them. I know many will say it's too late to love them, but to me, nothing is being TOO LATE! Somehow it's better than regret! dismay. LIKEWISE okay??
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